Finally i deleted him at FB

I become so super brave to do it while we already started to becoming friend
Everyone will be asking...why should i do so, if already starting friendship????
After i deleted him, i also don't know why i need to do so...n confuse for sometimes
At the end, i realized that the main purpose should be i dont wan just be friend and friend that got a weird weird feeling
I felt suffer with all this feeling..i am tired

SO, finally i did it
I deleted him and telling myself not to check his FB out so often anymore
Actually i dont wan to know his stuff anymore until he find me mayb
But, GOD just keep giving me chance to click on his profile everyday once or twice after i deleted him
For example :
Yesterday
I actually didnt want to click on his profile, but i saw something related to him at someone's page
SO, the end..of coz i cant control myself not to click on his face while he alr appear infront of me
Today
I was never think of clicking on his page at all while i checking out FB
As usual, i checked this gal's FB because i usually check out her blog and FB everyday just for fun
Sudd...i saw she commented on his FB..OMG...last time also never
WHAT is this...???
Of coz i cant control and i clicked on his profile
The end...found out he going to swimming and inviting friends there
But. the end..the swimming pool closed and only can swim after 2 weeks( which would be end of his exam time)
DO u know how much i wish to comment on his FB and tell him..I LOVE swimming too..
Last time i never go swimming before with him too
OMG..i really want to go..but..i know he wont happy if i go T.T
No matter how he feels, not my problems
WHAt i feel should be more important NOW

I become more confident boz someone at the 'getting back ex' forum got back his gf after 3 months already which make me decided to delete him from FB
I should learn from him that he tried hard to not knowing anything from the gf
LEarning hard for this........which i think i already took the first step at least :)
Wish me all the best.....
I just wish to get someone i love and the person love me as much as possible too
Mayb he not the one, but i will be waiting the special one to come :)

Subang carefour, USJ summit , then UNO !

Went for appointment at Subang carefour with a banker
He was quite friendly and hopefully he will give me alot of referrals as he said he dont mind to help others..HAHA....( but his father is doing Hong Leong Assurance and friends doing insurance too. Besides that, he also sometime selling HL insurance but he said he just sell when ppl request that. SO still have the chance to get his contacts and also convince him to buy Prudential )
Anyway, he really friendly and he treated me 'chocolate chips caremel' from Starbucks
(fuck...remind me of him who ordered that for me while i was rushing for my audit assignment at college time)

After that, i went to meet Jeff ( manager's nephew) at USJ summit.

At first both went there for the same purpose but the end, both of us doing different thing
What different thing???
First we wanted to go there for TAROT...only rm10 and he tried before, so he introduced me there since i keep noisy there said i want to play TAROT
But, the end..i saw a potential person can let me share my plan, then i went for it and talked for like around 2 hours...F...the stupid thing i did - forgot to take his contact number..STUPID
NVM...going again tomorrow since we not yet play the TAROT
(Actually i shy to play infront of the nephew boz i dont wan to let him know i already broke up with Ben, scared......something la..HAHA.)
The most important is i dont wan he know my things so much

WOndering why i keep wan to know my future or playing the TAROT??
Actually i just wan to know my love life and also my work
LOVE
I wan to know will he still back to me?? I miss him like crazy when the stupid FB dont let me view his page. I was so emo and sad...I thought he deleted me. I thought he hated me so much and dont wan to friend me anymore. I kind of depress on that moment. Then,......only i know..i still love him so much. I really wan to know...what can i do??? and do we still have the fate to be together again???
Hopefully the Tarot will help me release my tention on this and also solve my problems
If the end result is he not the right one, i would like to know when will be my Mr. Right appear because i am tiring of loving someone who dont even care my feeling

WORK
Want to know when will i be successful and am i suitable to be in this insurance line??? WHat should i do in order to be successful in the future??? how long do i need to get my first BMW and will my success help my future husband well??? Will he support me??? and more........
If the end result is i not suitable, then what line should i in to be successful???

First time here: UNO @ USJ
The food quite nice and the most important is....i no need to pay :)
Manager paid boz she actually belanja her clients..so i was there too while she asking the nephew

The Menu

The specials of the day
Crabmeat spaghetti
(one of the client ordered this - really nice as the client said)
sorry for the blur pictures boz didnt bring camera along, only snap it using my phone

This is the deep fried chicken
(ordered by the nephew)

Nice cup.. :)
( plain water ordered by manager and her mother)

The most important : MINE
LOok Great???
Nice too...hehe
Called : SeaFood Platter

This was my drink : Lemon Lime Bitter

Mushroom with Breads

The salad

The bills......not clear... T.T
My hp's camera sucks


The total amount : RM 269.10
6 persons there and my manager only ordered salad without the main course
Boz she was damn full this whole day ( more accurate should be this few days - alot of events to attend)

Some food no pictures boz clients's food
SHY to snap pictures infront of clients
ANyway, whole day feel good and wish i dont miss him so often

Sunday....Energy class@ centralpoint

Actually i dont even know what is the class for at first, i just go boz someone said it is good
So, i purposely woke up in the early morning at Sunday which i seldom do so :)
As the Healer( Someone who coach us for the whole session today), someone who meant to be there, the end will be there
HEHE..which means if i meant to be there, so i could wake up in the morning to attend the class

The class quite nice but i don't really can catch everything as usual
( always cant really feel what everyone is feeling all the time..HAHA)
The whole purpose of the energy class i guess should be teaching us how to heal ourselves and also others who are sick with the universal energy
I should practice more to be good at this :)
Then i can heal someone i love in the future and someone who need the energy in the future

What was the first thing come in my mind after learn everything at this first class ???
HIM : which to heal him from being too stress and be happy always
My uncle : Hope his cancer cells reduce lesser and lesser each day
Grandfather: Hope his leg can recover and wont cause him any pain
Grandmother : hope her knees not going to cause her pain while she walking
Mother : to be healthy always
Father: to be healthy always
Besides that, also heal to everyone i love from being suffer from anything

In the shop, they actually selling crystal and also the ta luo pai {塔罗牌}

The 1st choice, he said need to pay rm 400 to learn the cards on next saturday and sunday ( FULL day lesson and also a set of free cards), but i scared i dont have the potential to learn up that, then will be wasted my money
The 2nd choice is to let the people there help me which i need to pay rm 100 -rm120 one time, which i dont know when can they do it for me ( besides that, i shy to ask stuff i guess :( )
The 3rd choice is to buy the cards ( cost rm 79.90 - which i think the best set among the rest one) and learn it myself, and can play with relatives and friends
* which one should i choose?? i wan to play the cards to know my love life, my working life and more....... HOW???
HELP HELP HELP me to choose

I miss him so much too..today...dont know why??? moody man

Memories : GOOD or BAD???

When i thought i was ok with the feeling and mayb already forget about him,
my mood going to down again T.T
Especially on the saturday night which i used to out with him
Just saw someone's photo at facebook while people having their steamboat
STEAMBOAT - remind me of us had our steamboat at Jaan Wang's house that day
Tjhe environment of the pictures around 90% same as the situation we had that time
Make me miss him ..and thinking what he doing now
Still remember clearly we went to steamboat together at Jaan Wang's house, then we played 'Left for dead' at Jaan Wang's room ( i played with his gf and we played the monopoly on his bed before we having our steamboat - if i am not wrong..boz i dont rememeber how many times i went there already, but all i remember was the memories happened there only)
After the steamboat, we decided to go Genting to gamble and walk walk, the end we all gamble till midnight( i think around 3/4 am and i reached home at around 5/6 am already)

After the clubbing yesterday, i was really happy that was the moment i didnt even remind me of him
I was so happy drinking with friends and enjoyed taking pic all the time
But, today i looked back all the crazy pictures we had, i felt guilty and asking myself---what happen to me??? How come i love drinking so much already??? What he will think of me?? WIll he hate me boz i changed already??? Will he still happy that he did love me before?? WIll he invite me when he going to clubbing also?? : OMG so many questions pop out from my mind ...
Still hoping to hug him to take pictures T.T
Actually yesterday my mood was jsut drinking, not even the mood to celebrate Marcus's birthday
HAHA....sound bad boz i only think of myself

Saw his status said that he going to vietnam soon, so i was like...oh ok...expected
But, i didnt know he will wrote it there to tell everyone he going there
I sure miss him very much when he went there for a long time
I actually watching this taiwan drama '败犬女王 ' and it remind me of take care the love before too late
Actually i also dont kn what i want at this moment, how come so hard to get someone i love most to stay with me and the person also love me as i do...

Oh ya...everyone sure watch the 2012 already right??
I not yet watch, but i know the story abit from Anson boz he said the newspaper stated that something going to hit our EARTH expected at 2012 ( hopefully not just pass through like last time)
HAHA...and i guess i am the only one who wish that happen real at 2012

* anyway, tomorrow going for some energy class ( dont know what it is for), but i hope it help me in my emotional and my love life..HAHA..

BamBOo at TTDI Plaza

Suppose to go Library to celebrate Marcus's birthday (One of the potential client)
But, we ended up at BamBOo (TTDI plaza)
Boz there was a mistake which Marcus's name not on the reservation at Library
He went there and book on monday but...something happen...so the end..we cant enter there T.T
I want to go Library ( boz never go there before..HAHA)

Some of the crazy pictures we took when on the middle of party :

Me, Sarah and Winnie ( the only 3 gals there)

me , the birthday boy ( Marcus) and Winnie
I think he spent around rm 1000++ on that night man
EXPenSIve

WAH...so scary
THe guy on the left....SHAUN
Acting crazy ( boz..he was high already i guess)

WAH... u think i am a little gal izit???
Y have to sayang me??
My hair..look ugly man...SHIT

HAHA...
Thanks winnie went there with me :)
and we enjoyed there
Nice picture right?? FOR ME

Trying to act crazy la both of them
The end result NOT BAD
HAHA

Trying to act crazy, but
I think i not good on that..SO....all my picture also not crazy at all (only with smiling face)
HAHA

Both of them got crazy, so...keep posting in front of camera

They were promoting the handbag i guess..
I am just the extra person join the picture..HAHA
But, this pic also not bad

This picture actually was the first few pic we took with the birthday boy
AiYO..y the end the pic was..like he licking my face..???
WHAT happen to the birthday boy??

At least this one a bit normal picture
HAHA..y ar?? hugging me so near for what??
But..nothing la...

OPS...winnie sleeping already??
Or Drunk already???
WHo is the guy behind??? spoil our picture HAHA

KIssing POST
My hand keep holding the tissue
DOnt kn who gave us tissue on that time
SO, i forgot to put in on table
SPOIL our lovely picture already

me, winnie, peter, sarah and shaun

Finally, i got to clubbing with Marcus and his friends.
HAHA..he already said dont know how many times wan to invite me ....till i think got around 2-3 months already
They were great people and that was great party
LOVE DRINKING with people who are great

Besides that, there was something FUN happen
Someone from the right table treat me drink
HAHA...at least i still have market ar...Just kidding :)
That guy actually quite handsome ..haha
He suddenly call me by touching my shoulder, then i turned and look at him
He call me take the drink
OF COZ..i said ' no no no..by shaking my heart left and right '
The end, he asked like few times, then he drank it by himself
I didnt drink boz i scared someone put something inside what, since i dont know him..haha
His friend and my friend were looking at us on that moment
After i rejected him, he continue his happy moment with his friend
HAHA...kind of funny
And of coz my friend told me not to drink other ppl's drink
Anyway, the whole progress was fun
WIsh to have more fun in the future of my life

Decison Made

After all the opinions i received, the end i decided to continue my own company
Boz i love Prudential
Although i am going to fight my own dream alone and will be feeling lonely most of the time
BUT, I still wish to do all the things through my heart
I love to help people and indirectly helping myself...
I wish to see people got help when they are health and they are not health by ME
Slowly focus on my own target now...to achieve my dream slowly with heart
Not to say i am good, but i really wish to use heart to treat people
I believe the 'karma' - what i do will be what i get in the future
So thanks for all the support and wish me all the best :)

THANKS for friends that give me opinions

Should i stay or change???

Today dont know consider unlucky or lucky, i met a Allianze's lady who talked to so long about her business
MDRT ...who dont want??? At least 400,000 production.
I also wan to be MDRT as soon as possible
through the way of success, but i got Environment....She kept mentioning about that, of coz i understand environment really did help alotalot more to consider before doing any decision

Let's see Prudential VS Allianze --- Which one should i go?? Plss give me some opinions toward this

1. ENVIRONMENT
In term of environment, i still not so sure which side will be better, but...i guess should be Allianze after the lady's explanation because there have 80+ agents and average production is 200,000. How to compare??? They work in a group by giving hand to each other, but my side now i working alone with only manager. Sometimes i really felt lonely and tiring becuase everything alone.

2. Stress
Stress i guess Allianze will be more stress becuase there are all MDRT and high prodction people. How to not stress if u just a normal producer??? I actually need this encouragement to push me up. I guess this really help me out, boz when i was in secondary school it proven to me by my PMR results. Stress can make someone move further and longer. My manager did give me stress too, but no one go with me i really dont know how to move on with only myself.

3. Money
As what the lady said, they usually used only 1 year to achieve 10,000 per month boz they dont wait. They scared the bank negara suddenly changes the agency contract over the commission boz now bank negara focus more on customer's benefits than agents' benefits. Please ...Bank Negara use ur eye to see clearly, agents used their whole times and effort to get the sales, please maintain the commission benefit as now. If i stay with Prudential also can earn the as much as possible, but as what i see now, i dont think 1 year i can achieve it boz i got nobody to lead to that stage. At least i think need 3 - 5 years to get the 10,000 income.

4. Professional
This is my main concern now. Prudential provide me a guide to become a professional body in financial planning. We provide one stop financial planning to others. We give heart to service our clients. We provide plans using their needs. Everything we think for them before our benefits. But, sometimes clients just dont understand our real objective of financial planning although we already explain nicely and clearly. This is also my main problems.
But, Allianze they only focus on one plan. They are not professional in financial planning, but they are professional in saving only which is like nothing consider so professional. They only think of their side but not client's side. No matter how, of coz saving still help clients in their retirement. In short, they only concern about retirement for clients, no others such as medical plans or education plans. For them, medical card is wasting time to sell and wont bring them any benefits, boz need to provide the services when clients admitted to hospital. They feel running here n there to service the clients are wasting thier production timing, boz the time they can use to get more sales on their business. This is really pulling me out from joining them.
But...overall...i am thinking ...SHOULD i think for others more than myself???
I used heart to treat people, but the end....people dont bother to take my help.
END up...i got no money and no production in Prudential which mayb cause me cant survive long if continue like this.
I also need to take care my own family before i take care others right??? When i already can take good care of my family, then only i do charity also can right??? AM i bad or selfish to only focus more on myself than others??? AM i wrong at this???
Just only focus on retirement should be ok right??? also same prepare for client's future.

5. Long term business
I am not so sure about this. Since i not yet really understand about Allianze. Boz for me, Prudential is long term. When clients buy a medical plans from me, then i will serve them for life. They will purchase for their wife, their children. Besides that, they will plan for their retirement with me too. They will also buy from me the car insurance, house insurance and etc. Then, i will also help them out to do will writing. This is what i called long term business. But, in Allianze only saving, what can i call my clients to do?? Just to add more saving. In term of commission, of coz saving for retirement plans will be getting higher commission first. So....is selling retirement plan consider as not long term?? this point i need to go for their meeting to understand more about that.

6. Faster to achieve DREAM
In Prudential i can also achieve my dream income, but i guess need longer since i working alone. In Allianze, i guess i should be can get faster boz with a group of ppl's help. I guess i wont be slower than i at Prudential??? Of coz the best is to achieve the dream as soon as possible, but will it last??? The income base the same, just 'retirement' plan can clients keep topping up?? so many ppl have money to save??? This is my dault on this moment.

7. Feel sorry to my existing clients
Clients who trusted me, they purchased from me. If i change company, they going to be so disappointed boz nobody will servicing them. However, no matter how, i will still service them..this one i promise through my heart. Boz if i really change i also not going to do medical plan, so if there is any medical plan business i wish to give to my Senior then hopefully he pay me commissin.HAHA..but i no need to service them--this will be best point. I means no need service in term of getting the medical report and do the paper works over the claims. If they are sick or something, i will still go visit and any problems can still call me up for information. This is the best service i can give to existing and my future clients. I PROMISE using my heart.

8. Scared my manager mad at me
If i change she confirm angry at me boz she brought me up and now i ....leave to another company. She will no more overriding from me. Besides that, i have general insurance business for her ' like my daddy wan to renew car insurance from me'. I hope she will give me the case and commission since i need to park under her, but i guess she will want me to get my own license and do it myself. This is what i dont wan to. Haiz...I really dont know how to tell her and hope she helps me in this.

All this really my doubts now. Wish to solve it before too late. Hope i dont make any wrong decision.
HELP HELP HELP....WHAT do u all think???

Hate all the guards

Dont understand all the stupid guards
Today i was so hardworking to do my surveys to achieve my daily activities
boz i scared my manager scold me T.T
First i went to the shop lots besides jusco, but nobody let me do the surveys
SO...FINE
I went to the usual place i went 'DesaParkCity'
Although not a lot of people there, but no matter how i will still try to get someone to do my survey
Very unlucky, the stupid guard saw me doing the survey
He said ' u disturb customers here, so...if u wan to do then ask permission from the management'
So..i pretend i go ask then i run to upstair and do my survey
The end, i managed to find 2 persons did my survey, but the stupid guard came and disturb me when i asking the second person
OMG>..he asked ' have u get the permission? '
Of coz i not yet la...but i simply answered him ' oh..just now someone talking with the lady, so i will go ask later..."
hahahha....then i run back home
Haiz...so in the future i cant go there anymore???
Where should i go to get people then????
SOmeone help me help me help me

Finally i called HIM

Finally i did it...
After few days of straggling i finally got confident to call him
Of coz with my darling support also..THANKS darling
I actually expected he will say NO to me...
SO the end result i not so SHOCK or not so...sad boz of the ans he gave
I am SAD boz of the tone he using while he talking to me
At first i was so excited to call him and i practiced for around 10 times the conversation i supposed to talk to him

When finally i got the confident to call, i heard a lady's voice when someone picked up
Guess how i felt on that moment??
In my mind, i was thinking ' dont tell me is the new gf, y he cant ans his call but need the new gf to ans??'
But, the end....actually the lady was his mother
So, i was like so happy and talked to the mother awhile
The mother asked me ' hey..how r u?? how r ur work???' after she know was me
Then i answered ' good....my work ok ok lo...how about u auntie??'
She answered ' good..:) '
So friendly and great conversation i ever had with auntie. The end..she said she will call the son call me back after he reached home boz now he driving. Auntie also told me that they just back from somewhere dinner..i cant hear clearly the place boz i was too shock on that moment.

After mayb 20 min, he called back.
At first i still worry will he call back or not, but the end he really called back
But, i didnt pick up boz i was downstair and i rush up to ans the call, but off already
My heart's beats were fast like shit....boz i dont kn what to talk on that point after i pick up
The end, i waited for few min then i called him back
When he picked up ' yes..what happen??'
I was soscared boz of his tone...so scary and quite loud for me if compared to last time
I was so nervous already and talked till like so scared of him (but at least i did pretend to be happy and nothg happen)
I said ' oh..no la..actually just wan to ask u tomororw free or not?'
The he said ' Not free, why???? i going to stay at library study tomorrow, so why??'
I said ' no la..just want to meet for awhile in the afternoon'
He answered 'oh..why ?'
Then i answered ' no la..just wan to have a tea with u..meet up awhile only, but is ok la..u not free so never mind la, mayb next time or next week when u free and i also free la '
The he said ' oh like this, then after my exam la...'
So i said ' oh ok...then contact again..bye'
Then i forgot he said bye or not...or yes or not...i just off already
He sound annoyed by me...but i just asking normal thing
He sound not so happy

In the conclusion, i didnt unhappy boz of his rejection or he not keen to meet up with me..since i already prepared he going to say that. BUT, i not happy boz his talking tones to me...WHY do he need to be so unhappy when talked to me?? or i think too much?? or mayb this is his normal talking tone ( but if gf he sound softer only)
I am so depress and sad

*i dont know whether am i bluffing myself or trying to make myself more happy....i am happy at least he made the efford to call me back, not sms me asking me what happen ---does it really sound abit better??? *
*besides that, at least he said he will meet me up after his exam?? at least he still willing to meet up with me...this point is what my friends told me after i told them about my sad emotion on that moment. Me myself didnt realised this point*

* a small stupid thing in my mind....I really miss his mother's love..today heard her voice, it sounds so sweet and happy to tone after knowing that is me. Her birthday coming soon on december, i wish to bake her cupcakes if my cousin willing to bake it with me when she is back..hehe...OF coz...i also will bake it for my mother boz her birthday on dec too...His mother at dec 4 and my mother at dec 8 *
sound crazy isn't it??? but wish to get support from people who follow my blog on this :)

I saw it...i saw it.....

I waited the car plat 'BEN' for like the whole morning while i driving on to the office
Yesterday i saw the car plat with 'BEN' when i on the way back home
Then, one thg came into my mind which was .......remind me of HIM
Is the 'BEN' easy to find on the road at KL area???
I am not sure at all...so, i told myself, if i saw it again today then i am going to contact him back soon
Mayb tomorrow to meet at friday before he start working
I guess he going to work on this friday night and i will be going to cheras friday morning
But, i dont know whether i am ready already or whether he will be out to meet me or not
SO, i playing this game 'if 'BEN' appear again, then i am going to contact him boz GOD also giving hint to contact him back--this was what i think on that time'
SO, in the end, i saw it i saw it i saw it saw it....
I WAS SO HAPPY when i saw it
Boz the whole morning i keep looking around also cant get it
I thought no chance already, suddenly in the afternoon i saw it while somebody called me
Is this telling me ...HE needs me ???
Hopefully everything will be fine and good...
I still not sure i am going to call him or not...boz still have one week to go before my NC ends
WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Stress and fighting to get people

Today really stress all the day boz got appointments keep cancel this few days
At least the end i managed to meet a client, then went for cold conversing alone with 'stress' feeling
Quite long i didnt approach people on the street already, so kind of scared
Yesterday i did the same thing but didnt even manage to get a person to do my survey
At least today..i found 2 persons willing to ans my survey and i talked so much with them
I know so many love problems from them and also they are really friendly
Thanks to them..save me..--i got my target today
But,.....they r not ready and dont even have stable job to maintain their own life
SO sorry that i cant help--boz they dont like sales job and one of them dont even have SPM cert.
The guy who dont have SPM kind of handsome and also kind of friendly
He himself dont even know y his parent dont let him finished up his SPM...(I felt ...weird...so i keep asking..but he himself also don't kn, so how he going to tell me??? )

Actually really fun talking to both of them :)
They make me feel happy with their friend's stories
One of their friend--finally got the gal after chasing her for like one and a half year
Listen ..'1 an 1/2 year' without any complains ----this is what...called LOVE
I really happy for the guy who got the gal..finally
Sometime people will only appreciate when they felt hard to get a person's heart

Of coz there is also one sad story :(
This guy keep waiting for his ex to go back to him
He always wait at the starbuck DesaParkcity from 8pm to 11pm after his work
He wait there to fetch the ex back
I dont really know the main cause of the broke up...but now..the gal dont wan to be back with the guy anymore due to some reason
This guy last time dont appreaciate their relationship, so now he regreted alr...so alr waited there at the same place, same time for like 3 months already ---- still no changed
He changed for her NOW...but y the gal dont give him a chance????
I dont understand
wish him luck... :)

All this make me think...
Should i wait for him or should i give up???
Will i need to wait for this long...'one and a half year' ???
But, i know i cant wait this long...boz he will be going somewhere next year..then i cant meet him anymore...he wont even know i am waiting :(
I also changed for him, why dont he give me a chance??? How long do i need to wait somemore???
Anybody can tell me ...what can i do to make him come back to me???
I miss him so much...but i cant contact him cant meet him...this making me suffer T.T
wish me luck everybody....I BELIEVE HE WILL BE BACK TO ME

Besides that, today i read this gal's blog and she talking about his ex
Her ex really bad i guess...
How come guys can be so cruel to their ex when they already not together???
She just need help, y dont the ex just help her with heart??
Friend also can help each other right???
WHAT'S WRONG with all the guys now??
When they were still with the gals..no matter how far, how long, how mafan ---they never say no, but just do it with love BUT when they were no more gf n bf relationship, no matter how near, how easy, how convenient,---they will say no and giving all the lame excuses to reject the gals
Actually the gal just need help when her car broke down boz the ex working and stay nearby the place, but the guy giving some 'lame excuse- i need to work at 1pm' but that time only like 11am
WTF ---cant the guy think properly??? be a normal friend also wont be so cruel right???
Just a help---no need to reject people right??? although she has her own bf but the bf is far away from that place
Sometime gals need friends to help what...what's wrong with guys ???
WHen together...what also OK, but when broke up...guys just thk the ex like shit...
I hate people like this...GUYs like this ...not worth to be in someone's heart anymore
F off to guys like this
But, acutally the gal is lucky--she alr found someone who can be with now and forever
HOW ABOUT ME???
I still stick with HIm...that i dont even know he will treat me same as her ex or not??
I scared that..he also the same..but i not wish to...
AM i bluffing myself again???
"remember he actually did something around this too??? i just need his help, but...he gave all the lame excuses...in my heart, i still think he not purposely to do all this..i still bluffing myself???*
No matter how...until now..i still miss him still love him still believe he is the best still waiting he comes back to me

Trying to be happy

Today trying to work work - making myself busy
But, the end someone making me piss boz didnt turn up when alr promised me to turn up
I purposely drove there and waited there for this stupid person
The end, he said....his car servicing so got no car to drive here and meet next time ( after half hours i waited there)
Before reaching i alr tried to call for few times to ask for 2nd reconfirmation boz at first wanted to make it earlier to 4.30 pm, but nobody picked up ( the most important thing i alr called at 3pm to reconfirm and he said YES)
This is so irresponsible person :(
Wasted my time and enegry to make effort to meet this person

Today is my bro's birthday, so called mother and bro to have western food for dinner
The main objective is because i feel like eating 'fish and chip' and make myself feel happy
Shared 'fish and chip' and 'black pepper chicken chop' with mother
Very full and satisfied with the food
My mood also become more happy :)
but...still....remind me of *kaki corner* - the place he brought me when i wanted to have western food for my dinner

100% Emotional affected

Today was the 'down' day after i saw his fb
Don't even understand why i need to be so emotional affected by his little comment there
He planning to leaving to Vietnam for business next year
This was totally making my tears out immediately
Just like he going to leave now and forever
Actually just for a business- why do i need to be so affected by that????
I guess i am scared he wont be back after he leave or mayb i scared he will be having new gal there or family there ???
WHAT am i thinking also???
Before this incident happened, i thought i was 90% let go and not going to be so easy emotional affected by his any single thing, but i was wrong
Actually i trying to bluff myself not to be affected
I guess i was bluffing myself not to be in love anymore with him
No matter what pic he had with others gals or anyone, i was not so emotional affected anymore boz i actually trust him...i know he....won't
Until today i still trust him..i trust and believe he will be back one day
Anyway... i am ok already after talking to many of the good friends
Thanks everyone..they understand my feeling
Especially darling who alw support me, cousin who always by my side telling me i am alr doing good and friends who alw letting me know they will support me and telling me time will prove everything
I know if i dont try to ready asap, i cant contact him back and cant friend him back
SO...i have to move on and be ready asap ---boz 30 days is coming soon

Anyway, i watched a movie today 'time traveler's wife'
At first friends wanted to watch 'Ninja', but C and me don't really wan that movie
I thought 'time traveler's wife' was the movie i wanted to watch boz i watched a trailer that day with C - something about robot in the town
I thought Time Traveler's wife is the one, but....actually i was wrong
HAHA...stupid me--boz i dont really care what movies showing now or coming soon, since i wont watch with him anymore and nobody going to purposely bring me for movie anymore
The comment of this movie ----confusing and actually not so nice to watch
* wish to have his shoulder with me again while watching movies like last time*

I am on the right job?

Keep asking myself 'do i in the right business or job??'
Last time when i got my permanent job with accounting, i think that was bored
But, now i kind of want to go back to the job boz it was really relaxing and wont be stress like now
I stopped that accounting job, mostly boz of him and also my mummy
I wished to hav bright future, more time in the future for family and more money for mummy and my own future family
But, what do i get now?
Still using mummy's money for like travel expenses :(
I dont even effort to pay my own traveling boz i dont really have alot of customers on my business now
I followed what manager said selling using heart and always think of the customer's point of view
How come people who simply sell will get more sales than me??? when i am the one who used the heart to sell
In the morning, manager just told me what one of the top manager share in his talk :
We should not complain others ,we only can blame ourselves not doing enough
We should not compare with others boz we only need to focus on our own goals
We shoudl plan and think what make us fail, then continue with all the new strategy to move on
*but i guess i dont really know how to plan for myself, that's y i fail ...*
After all this thoughts came inside my mind, i felt so sorry to my mummy...
She paid me to study to get a degree but now i dont even give her money --i still as a failure and using mummy's money
Why do i come to this world for? to waste my mummy's money and she will be old one day and i really wish i have the ability to take care her well
I really hope to work well in this business boz i cant let my mummy dissapointed with me

The whole day depressing and sad while talking to mervynn when my client ffk me at the ss2 McD
Sitting alone there before he came, thinking what should i do to earn more for my mummy
Sitting alone there blaming myself not doing enough
SO, i start calling anyone i can when they came into my mind for future appointments " but some dont pick up at all--kind of dissapointed"
Sitting alone there with my Sundae RM3.15
Everyday i spending money like water, but i dont even earn a single cents for this day

Feeling lonely with the sundae :(
The whole day no energy to work and talk boz of the all the thought i had
Besides that, there was also one thing very important came in my mind while i was thinking hard
"how much do i worth per hour???"
RM 30 or RM 40 or RM 50??
At this current stage -- i guess i worth nothg 'not even a single cents"
What should i do to make myself more happy and move on without regret
I really need someone's shoulder at this moment of time
I felt like crying on his shoudler and letting him concern and care
But...i know it is impossible now :(

Monday coming....

Monday coming really not so fun..
Mood become so bad and start missing him again
Boz of what?? I also not like so free to think of him, but just miss him
Felt tired to miss him and also felt tired of work
Mayb i start missing him boz i read someone's blog that she had found her love's one after 7 months of broken heart
Really felt happy for her and wish her all the best :)
Don't know when i am going to be as happy as her too???
Wish the day come really fast and stay with me forever

Today purposely woke up at 12.45pm to catch the appt at 2pm, but the end...the uncle couldn't make it after i have reach that place ( i paid the tolls RM1.60*2 =RM3.20 for nothing)
Making me felt so tired today boz i slept so late yesterday
How come all this people just couldn't tell me before they start making another plan??
Before i went, i had reconfirm the appt already :(
Uncle, u better give me sales for my Shanghai trip....(at least ,...abit)

Went with cousin again to OneU for shopping and the main purpose is to use up the RM5 voucher
But, today i dont really have the mood of shopping, so i was like a death body shopping with them
The end, still managed to get myself a pant from mummy :)
Thanks Mummy :) at least my mood wont be so ...down
I really wan to complain this stupid Nose's sales promoter...he was fucking stupid when he brought us the shoe that my mum actually wanted to buy
After my mum tried the shoe, she let me tried boz at least we wanted to know whether the shoe will cause our leg pain or not, but the stupid fucking sales promoter just took the shoe away from us after i took off and said ' i guess u all dont like this shoe, so there is another auntie wanted to try the shoe also' ---Fuck...he didnt even ask us wan or not...he decided himself ( how bad is the service??)..We got money also don't wan to buy already boz of his stupid attitude

OMG...My prudential colleague met an accident after meeting me yam char at midnight and told me like 2am in the midnight when i asked him reach home or not ..sadly
Am i bring him bad luck or what???
Someone didnt follow the traffic light's rules while driving, so bang my colleague's car
And now he wont have car to use during this moment
I felt so sorry to him....
I dont know what to say anymore---except the word 'sorry'
Hopefully the car finish repair very soon and he can have his car back for work

*hopefully everything will be fine after all this bad moments*
*GOD bless that everything will be fine and wish everyone can be happy everyday*

Yam Char with Carmen and Carolyn

Today morning, my face looked so red..i guess boz i kena the sun abit
Doctor told me to stay home and wanted to give me MC for few days
I guess i am like a puteri lilin alr...cant even kena sunlight
But, i only kena like 5-10 seconds???
a small distance only...
I better watch out and going to be with my lovely umbrella whenever i go
With the love sign ' umbrella bought by someone special' - no matter how i will still keep u deep in my heart :'P

Tonight we went to a mamak...OMG--i dont even know the name of the mamak
I went there after my dinner and when i reached there..i ordered a 'roti canai kosong'
This is called ---keep fit??? haha..keep eating all the time, really terrible
I need to watch out my weight too before it become too late :(
CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL....have to control before my tummy become super big till the extent i cant control it anymore
I enjoyed being with friends always and chit-chat

The end...Carolyn bought me a small dessert 'tiramisu' from popeye
She always treated me some dessert or dinner
so sweet her...*muacks*
Really happy being talking with her and enjoy gossiping with her, but...
We actually no more things to gossip boz we not at college anymore :(
Miss college time when we were so busy gossiping around about anyone we felt interested to put in our topic of the day

No picture taken today boz my face looked so UGLY....
Only took this little 'tiramisu' treated by C , here we go :

I really very full today with all the foods and dessert :)
Thanks C for the 'Tiramisu"
* i guess u know i not happy so u got me dessert to make me happy, i felt it..thanks *

Met doctor due to skin allergy again

Sadly my skin allegry was back, but this time was on my face and quite serious :(
I realised it like few weeks ago, but i thought it will recover very soon and the end i didnt see doctor
Until Today i could not tahan anymore with the itchiness of the skin, so i went to see doctor alone
OMG..this was the first time i met doctor alone without anyone accompany
Last time i got mother to accompany and also HIM to accompany
NOW..i no need HIM anymore..he going to be out of my life...
Anyway i still thanks him alot and hope we still become best friends like time again in the coming period, but not now yet

I spent like rm45 for the medicine and the cream for allergy :

First time went for client small birthday celebration

That day was the first day i wore so casual to a party since i going to shiew mei's house for her grandma's funeral
Besides that, also boz i was so lazy to ban leng leng at night and lazy to clean off everythg again at the midnight when i was back- unless special occasions i will have the mood to do that :)
GUESS WHAT??
i kind of enjoyed when i went for ppl's small birthday celebration
The birthday boy was my client's best friend ( and also my future client)
I didnt know they ordered the TIger there...and drank there
Of coz i aslo drank on that time and i realised ' TIGER' not bad actually
I really enjoy drinking there and felt so nice to drink with them *happy*
I had the feeling of 'happy' after drinking alchohol....i guess i in love with alcohol but not until the drunk stage
SO, if anyone free can invite me to drink session ..HAHA....
But i dont wan to pay man..i dont hav the extra budget for all this :P

After attending the birthday, i went to shiew mei's house with mother
OMG...some of the uncles there also my dad's friends....
THEY all know each other...this world is SMALL.
HAHA...but i really wish all the best to their family
When i reached there, i can felt the gandba really not happy and sad..
he hide himself at the room and didnt come out, so the first time i reached there was to ask about the grandba's emotion and visited the grandma's body
Hope everything will be great :)

Overall on that day, i really felt quite ok...just a small sad part was about my skin - really fucking itchy and red...scared my clients away only :(

I have to move on for him

While i watching this TVB drama :

The Stew Of Life 有營煮婦

This show make me realized that 'let go a bit now, then later will be getting more and better--will be back also if we have faith to be together'

There were this 2 ladies' love story:
!st would be Fala Chen as Ng Choi Nei 吳采妮 (Charlie) acted as relationship around age 30.
Problem : In the relationship, she and the bf also not mature and alw think of themselves only ( just like now...ME...and most of the young relationship). They broke up boz of small thing - not understanding each other enough. Solution: Both of them did their part, Charlie know her ex bf like to have the feeling of 'home', so she started learning how to cook, keep house, be mature and be more understanding while the broke up period. Ryan ( the bf) tried to be more mature and more understanding...the most important - learn to be MAN. The end, both of them happy loving together.
This is the result of both side also give their love and efforts in to the relationship.

What i learned from this story is...i need to put more effort in to the relationship that i wanted to keep. But, the cooking part...i need to take time to handle it, boz i know he actually aslo wan me to cook for him. He is the one who wan to feeling of HOME, just like the guy in that drama. He mentioned to me so manytimes that he wan me to be like his sis, take care the whole family and independent. Now...i will be forcusing all this and letting him know...i can do it.

2nd would be Christine Ng as Lo Siu Mei 魯小美 (May) acted as relationship around age 45.
Problem: May looking for man by looking at their family background and outlook. But, the end she fall in love with a 'fat guy' who not rich, ....the most important he very understanding and caring. This make her felf that she cant ever find this type of man from a rich man. They broke up boz there her ex husband came back to her and that time she dont know who to choose ( whether to choose someone who satisfied all her requirements or someone who dont satisfy her requirement but Lover her so much and care her so much). The fat guy found out they still contact each other, so he angry and gone. Solution: May sending him one email per day about her life and telling him how much she miss him. Besides that, she also never hope that he will be back, but just move on her life.by adopted few children to accompany her life. The end, the guy know her changes and back to her :)

What i learned from this story is to keep moving on my life although now he no twith me anymore, But, i no need to give up, boz i believe GOD will bring us together back in the future and wan to let him see the changes on me. I am sure he will confirm 100% fall in love with me again.

Besides this, there is also another sign telling me i need to move on for him. While i reading the entertainment news, 2 singers have been together again while they alr broke up last 2 years for some reasons and next year they getting married. This really motivate me with full of energy getting him back :)

So, from now on....i need to reduce checking him out so often.
One week can only check his facebook for 3 times.
No contact with him until i am ready by showing him the changes of me...
Please support me if u r my true friends :)

Bad news

Today morning received a sms from Shiew Mei saying that her grandmother pass away 'peacefully'
Peacefully should be a GOOD thing i hope
Really miss her grandmother, remind me of secondary moments i used to visit to her house

I went there for :
dinner
overnight
Hokkien Mee
waiting Shiew Mei for shopping time
and
a lot more.......

Her grandmother was friendly, kind and cute
She alw ask me i eat alr or not and all..
Alw concern me....
She also gave me ang pao when i visited her house
She really nice
Wish her all the best and happy in the heaven
We will staying here to pray for the best for her
Bye bye grandmother ...TAKE GOOD CARE

BBQ + Steamboat buffet

When to this place recommended by my relatives



How greedy am i???
afternoon didnt have my lunch boz i wan to keep my stomach empty to fit all the food as much as possible at night
So that, nobody will said i come for nothg and i wasting money boz they judged by my size

The most valuable food we keep taking :

'Tai Zhi" - delicious

The BBQ part...i like the meat so much...taste so nice :)



Until now, i sitll feeling full......cant sleep yet...
So busy eating all the times, so dont really have times to take down pictures of the food we had


This was what my cousin cooked the end with all the prawns
We ate alot of prawns there aslo :)
I had time to take this down boz i alr quited full on that time
Besides that, we had ice-cream there--- i had 2 cups
I AM FAT FAT FAT allr
They aslo served jelly too

BEST thing with this restorant would be the service
The boss really nice and freindly
The workers there aslo acted damn fast ...
Food also fresh and not kaim siap to serve us..since that is buffet style, some boss will kedekut to serve their expensive food
Confirm going there again and bring more friends and relatives there :)
The most i am wishing is..bring HIm there to try this out..i know he will like it boz we used to go Yuen (sunway there) having the steamboat buffet.
Of coz we went alot of different place to try out all the buffet steamboat and bbq..I MISS that moments

Me... missing ....Him...

I am missing him right now...
didnt see him on9 at all...
He should be outside with friends or family???
I really want to know what he doing on every moment
Boz i miss him badly

While missing him.....
and waiting for my night dinner at the bbq buffer with mother and relatives
I edited some of the pictures

Today is Low Tian Ser's wife birthday :)
Happy Birthday...
Hope to take alot more pictures later on the bbq buffer since everyone keep saying it is super nice at Kepong area
I am from kepong, so how could i not trying that before but i said i from kepong..
HAHA

P/S: in the future i will recommend to HIM since he like all this buffer style food so much Hopefully the next time i will be going with him. :) MISS U