Yesterday night i slept quite well because I have talked to my kai ko about our situation.
My kai ko suggested me to give him time - at least a week to reconsider our relationship, so i did listen to my kai ko not to disturb him during this week.
Hopefully after few days, he will come back to my side. But, I already become don't so need him anymore after reconsidering all the things he did to me.So, I will see how. If any sad thing or anything happen again I will go discuss with my kai ko again :) Thanks to my kai ko made me felt better yesterday and I could sleep well that night after discussing everything with him.
I hope I can don't sms him anymore for this week, until he find me and give me answer whether we should continue or should end. But then, if he wants to continue and that time I already don't want to continue anymore??? Then, what should I do??
During this period, I will try my best to forget him by celebrating CNY with my family and finding my permanent job. If i got any problems such as about the place of the company, I won't find him anymore - try my best to solve it by myself because I ca find my friends and also my kai ko.
Wish me luck for this cold down period, I hope I will turn to a new leaf as soon as possible.
Gambateh Gambateh .....
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Life become so meaningless for me
I have graduated from my degree course. Should I super happy for that??At first i really happy that i have graduated from my College and I would not need to rush for any assignments anymore or stay up late night for my exam anymore. However, now i am unemployed, so my life become so meaningless. I went for 2 interviews, but at the end i dint get the job. I think i failed on my interviewed sessions because my results just average and my english not really well. How come people who called my for interview didnt check my result before calling me for interview??? I thought you all suppose to do that first before calling me??? If you dont like my result, then dont call me for interview, should just put me in unsuccessful list in Jobstreet.com.The second interview was at Maybank, at first i don't plan to work there because they offer me some finance relationship executive position. But, till the end i confirmed the interview and attended because i just don't wan to miss any interview i can get. Of course i didn't get the job. How sad my life can be??? Now, i got an offer from Prudential Insurance company, but the position offer is Customer Service Executive. I HATE that kind of job, like customer service. Of course i not yet reply them yet, I will need to consider first before i make any decision. This because I don't want to go interview but the end I going to reject the job. They want me reply them before 28 of Jan 2009. So, i am still considering for this.
How many conflicts happen in my life???
LOVE problems :
He wanted to break up with me because he said he could not stand my temper anymore.
He said this was his second time he had firm decision that he wanted to break up with me :(
How could i say??? I really tried my best to control my temper and fulfill what he want me to be, but the end he didn't see anything.
This happen yesterday night, when he suddenly told me he going to 'this friend's house' to fried something. At first, I was ok and nothing about this issue, because in my heart i just want to merajuk abit. So, I asked him how come suddenly went to 'the friend's house' and help??? ' The friend's house' - actually is a gal he used to love last time. What can i say??? He can use all his times to help other people but not his own gf. The day before, after his working hours, he went to have dinner with his friends and yam char with his friends, came back at around 12 something. So, I was nothing because i know he want rest and we just said goodnight to each other, then just sleep. But, yesterday he suddenly going to the gal's house and help out. Of course back at around 12 something. He knew i not happy with it, so he came back and bath, then called me to talk to me. That time I was not happy, so I just keep silent when he talked to me, but of course i did response to him as well. This was my way to merajuk and show my unhappiness to someone i care. I thought he will at least 'tam' me because he knew I not happy he didnt accompany for this few days because I know today after working he going to meet up his old school's friends as well. So, in my heart I thought at least yesterday he will accompany me to chat on phone. Yesterday night, he called at 12 something if i was not wrong, then talk talk talk abit what he did for that day and asking me what i did for that day too. As usual, I will merajuk abit and said 'don't want tell you', but in my heart i will tell you later when my mood back. Actually before he called me, I was in a happy mood- I transfered the pictures we took at Hong Kong to my Hp because I wanted to put 'our' pictures as display pictures in my phone, so that I can see him everytime I MISS HIM. I didn't know end up, both of us also in a bad mood when we talking through phone. Everytime when i was talking to him, he will just suddenly reply me ' call back you later'. As usual, I just asked him' why???', but he didn't answer. I ended the call then. Then, he called back, I asked him what happend, then he explained that his mum want him settle something. Then, we continue our 'emo' conversation.
During the emo conversation, he keep asking me ,why i not happy ,why i angry him ,what's wrong if he go help his friend and why i complain him didn't accompany me. On that point, I didn't know why i was so emo and not happy. So, I just said ' because you didn't accompany and all your time you gave your friends, then how about me???' Then, he speechless.
Before that, he told me while on his working time, he called some of his friends (3G them) - in my heart, how come you didn't even call me at all when you were free??? Don't like to chat with me??? Or, in your heart i just so worthless???........end up, both also fighting and arguing.
He shouted at me ' Why can't you just let me sleep and rest after my long hours of working??/ Tomorrow still going to work..You can't expect me have the lifestyle same as you - slept at midnight. He hang up the call after shouting on me. ---.---
On that point, I was speechless..becuase I didn't mean to disturb him and don't let him rest. I was just too angry and want to settle and discuss with him about our problems, because I cannot sleep without a conclusion. So, I end up in a very angry and bad mood. I can't sleep for the whole night. I cried for the whole night and thinking how come he can hang up my call again after he had promised me he wont do that again to me.
At the end, he said ' he cant face me anymore..because he not the one i want and i not the one he want too...' Actually there were more details on it, but I really no energy to explain it anymore here.
So, at the end, 2009 CNY i will end up broke up with him, and on a very sad and moody new year.
Long time didn't blog , but when i started to blog means my life become not happy anymore.
I long time didn't blog :
because i used all my times on study - during my college period
because i used all my times for someone i loved - I thought he loves me too, but actually he don't love me anymore.
becuase i used all my times to watch TV and accompany him- sms him.
because i spent my times to together with him when he was free to accompany me.
Of couse there were more reasons i had. But i really lazy to explain anymore :(
because i really very down and felt like crying already after finishing posting this post
How many conflicts happen in my life???
LOVE problems :
He wanted to break up with me because he said he could not stand my temper anymore.
He said this was his second time he had firm decision that he wanted to break up with me :(
How could i say??? I really tried my best to control my temper and fulfill what he want me to be, but the end he didn't see anything.
This happen yesterday night, when he suddenly told me he going to 'this friend's house' to fried something. At first, I was ok and nothing about this issue, because in my heart i just want to merajuk abit. So, I asked him how come suddenly went to 'the friend's house' and help??? ' The friend's house' - actually is a gal he used to love last time. What can i say??? He can use all his times to help other people but not his own gf. The day before, after his working hours, he went to have dinner with his friends and yam char with his friends, came back at around 12 something. So, I was nothing because i know he want rest and we just said goodnight to each other, then just sleep. But, yesterday he suddenly going to the gal's house and help out. Of course back at around 12 something. He knew i not happy with it, so he came back and bath, then called me to talk to me. That time I was not happy, so I just keep silent when he talked to me, but of course i did response to him as well. This was my way to merajuk and show my unhappiness to someone i care. I thought he will at least 'tam' me because he knew I not happy he didnt accompany for this few days because I know today after working he going to meet up his old school's friends as well. So, in my heart I thought at least yesterday he will accompany me to chat on phone. Yesterday night, he called at 12 something if i was not wrong, then talk talk talk abit what he did for that day and asking me what i did for that day too. As usual, I will merajuk abit and said 'don't want tell you', but in my heart i will tell you later when my mood back. Actually before he called me, I was in a happy mood- I transfered the pictures we took at Hong Kong to my Hp because I wanted to put 'our' pictures as display pictures in my phone, so that I can see him everytime I MISS HIM. I didn't know end up, both of us also in a bad mood when we talking through phone. Everytime when i was talking to him, he will just suddenly reply me ' call back you later'. As usual, I just asked him' why???', but he didn't answer. I ended the call then. Then, he called back, I asked him what happend, then he explained that his mum want him settle something. Then, we continue our 'emo' conversation.
During the emo conversation, he keep asking me ,why i not happy ,why i angry him ,what's wrong if he go help his friend and why i complain him didn't accompany me. On that point, I didn't know why i was so emo and not happy. So, I just said ' because you didn't accompany and all your time you gave your friends, then how about me???' Then, he speechless.
Before that, he told me while on his working time, he called some of his friends (3G them) - in my heart, how come you didn't even call me at all when you were free??? Don't like to chat with me??? Or, in your heart i just so worthless???........end up, both also fighting and arguing.
He shouted at me ' Why can't you just let me sleep and rest after my long hours of working??/ Tomorrow still going to work..You can't expect me have the lifestyle same as you - slept at midnight. He hang up the call after shouting on me. ---.---
On that point, I was speechless..becuase I didn't mean to disturb him and don't let him rest. I was just too angry and want to settle and discuss with him about our problems, because I cannot sleep without a conclusion. So, I end up in a very angry and bad mood. I can't sleep for the whole night. I cried for the whole night and thinking how come he can hang up my call again after he had promised me he wont do that again to me.
At the end, he said ' he cant face me anymore..because he not the one i want and i not the one he want too...' Actually there were more details on it, but I really no energy to explain it anymore here.
So, at the end, 2009 CNY i will end up broke up with him, and on a very sad and moody new year.
Long time didn't blog , but when i started to blog means my life become not happy anymore.
I long time didn't blog :
because i used all my times on study - during my college period
because i used all my times for someone i loved - I thought he loves me too, but actually he don't love me anymore.
becuase i used all my times to watch TV and accompany him- sms him.
because i spent my times to together with him when he was free to accompany me.
Of couse there were more reasons i had. But i really lazy to explain anymore :(
because i really very down and felt like crying already after finishing posting this post
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