Wish everyone happy celebrating MEDERKA tonight

i guess everyone should be busying preparing out to celebrating mederka now :)
At first i also thought i actually wan to celebrate so much boz every year i did celebrate with friends and of coz last time with HIM
I thought i wan to tell him how much i really love him and letting him know no matter how..i am letting u go now
This is true in my heart, I hope u get well with ur life journey and also be happy to be single or in a relationship in the future :)
Actually just now the whole night i looking through FB's pictures of his friends and i realise something. ......
I am glad i did in his heart for at least one year plus :) Thanks at least we did together before. Actually i really wan to type u a last email thanking u this past 1 years we had been together, but the end i didnt do so. Boz i think u dont even will appreaciate what i wan to thanks u right?? Is ok :)
WIsh u win ur business competition and also doing well with ur assignments, i will still believe u that u can do it well - if win already, must at least thanks me ok? boz i did support u deep in my heart..HAHA

Supposed to celebrate Merdeka with my client, but he went to zouk yesterday without inviting me ;(
He said boz i was not feeling well, so better dont ask me along
At least he concern me la..but the end i need to stay home celebrating mederka alr :(
Although he willing to accompany today out for dinner or whatver celebration, but i dont feel like going with him alone like this ( even though indirectly can make me happy, boz letting ben know..u r lost, when u dont hav me..HAHA...., but i just dont wan to out alone so fast...mayb in the future :) )

Wish me all the best :)
Thinking of how to get my 2 cases in before tomorrow night....
THINKING HARD THINKING HARD....HARD....
GOD please give me the 2 cases NOW :)

Happy VS Sad day

I thought today should b my happy day??
I heard 2 person said want to buy insurance from me.
One is malay lady that i called and she said she interested with my plan
Another one just met and he said can he open the 2 plans together
All this r the sign of buying insurance from me alr right???
Should be very happy right??

BUT, why boz of his stupid clubbing pictures can make me upset like shit
Why is he influencing me like this everyday??
From a very happy mood sudd change to upset mood just because of his stupid pictures
I have to start not to see his facebook anymore, but it is so hard for me actually

Why is he still wearing the 'thing' i gave him to all the clubbing or party??
Why do he still wearing it?
I thought he should be throwing it aside alr??
My kai ko said he wore it didnt not mean anything, boz he alr dont care.
But, i really care- i dont hope to see him wearing it to all the stupid places with all the stupid ppl
He not onl hav the calculator can keep fr memories right??
I think he lost my calculator :(
He still got so manything can keep for our memories

PS: I really wish someone can answer me what i wan to know from his mind

Early birthday celebration 2009

The first only happy moment in this month:

Celebrated with friends at one of the restaurant at The Curve (i forgot the name of the restaurant)

Food we ordered:




The free drinks we got :


This first free drink we got it at the beginning of the party and the boss said "this is the free drink for today special - 4 walk in ladies". But, Angeline said she never get this kind of thing before in this restaurant
haha...we guess we r just too pretty..HAHA

The second free drink we got for FREE. This is damn nice to drink. Of coz we also dont know y the boss gave this for FREE again. We asked him, and he said ' this is free for birthday gal', but actually there was another table who birthday also - very sadly, they didnt get it. HAHA....

The most happy thing - the total charge : only RM 103++.
Damn cheap for 5 person party :)


The happy moments with friends :

Four of us enjoy drinking the giant drink :)






Group picture : mervynn, angeline, carmen, me and carolyn ( From left to right)

This was the really happy moment for me.

Besides that, i really happy to hear that he said ' he wanted to keep my calculator for our memories' , so he want me to buy a new one and he will bank in the money to me.
With only this sentence, i really happy and don't angry him anymore. Just hope everythg will be ok in the future.
My cousin reminded me, his old relationship never more than 3 months. So,his longest relationship was with me ' one year and one month'. This really letting me realize he actually also did put alot of effort on this relationship and i really happy i was the longest in his relationship. Anyway, just wish the best in the future :)
I hope i still can be his best friend and we will still keep in touch.
I will always support him in his life :)

All the best

Another day without HIM

We used to love each other so much, but the end we end up like this
My problems or his problems?? Just now suddenly found our old email that we argued because of small things
Anyway, I am trying hard to be better than him, be happier than him, be more successful than him ;)
I wan him to regret he lost me, and beg me back - come back to me.
Wish me all the best :)

Oh tomorrow will be going Pavillion Redbox to celebrate our PHA graduation
I going to take lots of photo, hehe
Boz i wan to post all my happy events here also, not only all the unhappy events.
Will be funny back to be a blogger :)

Late night alr, today whole day stayed at home doing nothing but only depressing myself
So, tomorrow going to work very very very hard to repay whatever i should do today

BE happy

what have i plan for my birthday???

This year 2009 birthday will be the most lonely birthday i ever had before
Not i dont hav friends with me, not i dont hav relatives with me,
but i wan to be celebrated alone with him
I know it is actually impossible alr, but i will celebrate it by all the memories i had with him

Being alone with the place with together first time ( that place : onl me n him will know about that place. We started there, we hang out there last time when we didnt let anyone know about our relationship. At that place, really happen alot of things. I dont know he will remember or not, but it really big impact on me - I really wish he will go there n find me, but that is like impossible)

Being alone at the place we always hang out when at night after we pakto ( that place we used to hang out when we started pakto not long ago. That place has good environment, has good place to rest. will he stil remember with that??? I know of coz he wont. We usually walk walk there)

Being alone at the place we used to hang out nearby his house (every friday night when i at his house - my birthday also on friday night. Actually he said b4 will still accompany me to go that place if he free...but of coz i know he just saying, wont do it. Mayb on that day will be the last time i going there by myself. Don't know that friday where will him be. Of coz i know he confirm go to far far place, so that wont give me chance to disturb him at all- how hurt to know the reality)

* There will be alot of place we used to hang out together, but some i dontkn how to go also. So, i will just stay at a place to wait till he find me?? of coz i know he wont come also...but i still wan to wait till he appear infront of me. So sorry, i know i disappointed alot of ppl by helping me so hard to forget him. Really sorry.

Of coz on that day, i will stay on a place we used to be together and quietly thinking about our past. y can become this stage now??? Sorry dear...i hope u can forgive me..How can u so fast dont like me dont bother me dont care me anymore???

End of the life between us??? Nobody can contact me during that day..i will disappear from everyone

moody day

Sunday night should be a relax and happy time, but why it doesnt apply to me???
Whenever ppl mention sth, all will link it to HIM
Even a word - Genting
Genting - We went there alot of time with his friends for entertainment and gamble
I also bang by a car b4 at genting, n he really concerned me..although my hand damn pain, but of coz i said nothg boz i really dont wan he worry me
I reallly miss all the time i with him...where r u?? where r the old u??? NO MORE???

Even a word - Cheras
He stays there, n most of the place at cheras he brought me before and he is the one who teach me all the places at Cheras.

Everythg also related me to HIM
HOw come?? he onl with me like one year plus...y is it so manythg in my world related to HIM?
After i think deeply, i started to realise ---he is the onl one i really put all my true heart
Am i stupid or .... until i can end up this stage???
Will he coming back to me one day??? this is the question alw in my mind all the time

Really hope he will come to read my blog and understand my real feeling this period,
but i never let him know i hav this blog...

Anyway, wish he happy and back one day
I know he really happy this period and also just back from a happy camp, did he ever think of my feeling before??? Just like one minute ?? I know the ans is 'NO"

Just wish all the best for my future and also his future
I wish to be happy and go lucky

how come he still in my heart??

Yesterday i went to watch movie with kai ko n his friends,
but my heart ' all about him', when Yam Char ' my heart also allabout him'
even i sleeping , my dream ' all about him'
Wha is this means? I still cant let go???

While watching the tv drama, i was thking i am the same situation as the guy
He loves the lady so much until he can die for her
ME? do u beieve i really thk b4? until now...actually i am still thking
I am giving myself sometme to forget HIM, if until one day i still cant...i really.....
Need how long to recover?? i still dont kn.. i wish someone can tell me a excat time i can forget him

Now my hair length is his favourite hair length.
I MISS HIM.will he MISS ME while he free???
can just MISS ME for a second for every minute or every hour or just once everyday?
Will u still remember all the time we been together??
My birthday coming alr, will u wish me ' happy birthday'?
Remember last year u celebrated with me??
Bought me the LOVE cake i wanted, bought be a GUESS purse i wanted
Give me the sweet moment i wanted.....HOW about this year???
MY wish is just want U to come back to me ...will this come true for my birthday wish???

MISS U

What is LOVE means?

When we ask for LOVE, God will test us by giving us all the people who don't love us
So that, we can show how much LOVE we can sacrifice for those people and show the LOVE

Is this the real statement?
I believe it is real in my heart, because while i looking for LOVE
The God really sending HIM to tougher me, in order to let me know what is LOVE
Thanks God.
I really know i need to understand the LOVE in my heart.

LOVE i should be happy when he happy
LOVE although he alr not around me, not together with me, i will still concern everythg about him
LOVE i should support behind him throughout his whole success journey
LOVE i should be patient to wait for him to clearly understand i LOVE him more than anyone else
LOVE i should follow what he wan ( now he no need me boz he dont see the important of me, so i will be waiting him until he realise me in his heart)
LOVE no matter how cruel he treated me, i should forgive him all the time
LOVE just hope he will miss me while he free
LOVE just wish he will think of me when he sad or not happy, boz i will beside him n support him

Is this all about LOVE?
If LOVE giving me so hurt feeling, should i still continue it??
Can anyone teach me how to forget HIM and forget the LOVE on him?

he alr dont need me anymore

In this world, nobody will need the other party forever i guess,
Just like he alr no need me now, but i still love him so much.
How come this world can be so unfair?? when i give everythg to recover back to normal, but till the end he still leave me behind.
how come he be so cruel to me? he last time also used to love me deep right?
human really can forget a person so fast n dont even hav the 0.0001% feeling left?
No matter how cruel, how many bad thg he did to me, i still...miss him...still love him...still wish to meet him..still wish to kiss him...still wish to scarify anythg for him...
Is this a stupid thg called LOVE ?

How can he be so diff from my side??
He enjoy going out to all the parties with his friends,
he enjoy going to pub with his friends,
he enjoy knowing new gals and friends in his life,
he enjoy doing his business without my support,
he enjoy treating me cruel, dont care how i feel,
he enjoy drinking with his friends,
he enjoy studying with his friends,
how come he enjoy so much???
HOW ABOUT ME???

I crying everyday for him,
I miss him n wan to know what he doing everyday,
No matter wht place i went, will remind me of him,
I miss the time we were together,
I miss the care he gave me,
I tried to work hard to hav him back to my life,
I love him too much till i think to leave the world, so that he can remember me in his life
I wish to be with him all the time till i can scarified all the thg for him
I love U...will u still love me back like last time one day?

In this world there is nothig call impossible,
So, i will always keep in mind ' dear will be back one day, no matter how long, i will wait till he come back'
Alw keep in mind, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE THIS WORLD
LOVE is alw around me n him,
so, YONG KOK FAI must come back to me one day and love me as much as possible like i do
I really pray for him to be back to me

With love,
I really hope u will be back to me